31.12.11 - 09.03.12

Hei Kaur :)
Mõtlesin mitu päeva ja ei leidnud enam suhtel mõtet. See kuidas Sa mind gen'i üksi jätsid, mõtlemata et minuga oleks miskit juhtuda võinud vms.. See käitumine oli väga madal ja ebamehelik. Ma sooviks enda kõrvale siiski meest, mitte poisikest. No hard feelings, aga nii ei käituta oma tüdrukuga, ükskõik kui purjus Sa ka ei oleks. Ja kuna ma pidavat õhtu rikkuja olema, siis leian veel vähem mõtet Sinuga koos olla. Ma pingutasin maximumi välja, aga Sinupoolt oli null reaktsiooni. Loodetavasti leiad endale kellegi sobiva, kes on vähem nõudlik ja armukade. Sorry, et kergelt lambist siuke asi, aga ma pigem arvan, et Sa oled isegi õnnelik nüüd. Sa ei võtnud üldse ühendust jne, ma olen siiski väärt paremat. Tsau :*


Reaalselt pole mõtet. Maiviitsi :D Tõnnil oli õigus ja Susil ka. Y'all wanna single say fuck that, fuck that fuck that :'D

Different person, same shit :(
Varsti veab kunagi, just one heartbreak away from perfection ^^.

Suht jah :/

Like so fed up.

Wanted to get down with 4 of my classmates on Tuesday. One didn't come, the 2nd didn't either. I was all like fuck that IMMA GET DRUNK BITCH. So um, my BFF came up to Zavv and we drank and my ex came also. He poked me and shit, just lol'd and stuff - the usual thing. So we drank and yabbed about randomity and crap had happened etc.
I was like wtf one friend says I have to be regardless and try my best with this relationship. And the other was all like: "Oh hell naww, You know he sucks, I don't see this being a relationship at all, I mean You know what I mean. Besides I'd be really happy if You dumped him. REALLY."

lost in thoughts

And now I'm kinda messed up and I have no idea what to do. Cuz like, I called my douchebag and he wouldn't pick up the call, neither like.. Call me back or anything. I have no fucking idea what I should be doing.. Either I seriously forget about this incident on last Friday or I get to be a mad cow and scream all the bitchy way.

Damn, this shit is serious.

Xena?

I don´t look anything like this...

...or this :D

Merli. пишет:
 Ohh gawd sa oled nagu Xena. *.*
[•̪.●).•° †Frixuu† °•.[^ ^] | пишет:
 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH 
 miks?
Merli. пишет:
 naissõdalane. 
[•̪.●).•° †Frixuu† °•.[^ ^] | пишет:
 Milles see nüüd väljendus  ?!

Kaks korda öeldi tänase jooksul, et ma olen nagu Xena. Esimest korda ütles Artur skype'is kui ma lampi YALALALALALALALAHH AGBAAR tegin :'D.

It's stupid, but You do it anyway.

Musique: Lacuna Coil – Heaven's A Lie

 Today I feel super destructive. Watching some pics of cigarette burns and then checking my left hand, remembering what I've done them for. Some were to feel alive, some were to fuck the pain away, some were just for not turning into a mad killer or just not to punch someone in the face.
Actually they do look quite disgusting and I feel weird when going to the doc's getting the same question every time: "Hey now, what IS that? Why did You do such a thing?" and then You don't have time to explain all Your shit to one single stranger. Yeah.. Awesomely-random.


Ugh.. Well.. Since today is such an odd day to be still alive, I guess I'm just gonna write down some shit I've been thinking about.
Firstly I feel feelingless and quite thoughtless. And yes, it's still about that shit crap what happened on Friday. At least that second person apologized. Yay for them. Still wait for the first and closest to apologize. But that will probably never happen.. So I am abandoning hope on this whole thing, step by step.. Feeling that soon I'm gonna be free to have. That last exhibit on the market shelf nobody ever wants, lol. Seriously don't pay attention to the last sentence :D.
Anyway.. Sometimes I just sit around getting back to this one thought that maybe this all is a dream and I have to check if I am awake or asleep and then pinching myself isn't enough. Yet again burning won't help either.
I just wish this whole paranoia thing would end.
What paranoia? That utterly stalking feeling that makes me numb. This being left alone or dumped or however You can even describe this. It's my second worst fear ever. The 1st is waking up and being covered in a bee swarm :S.

Anyway I would love to stop this. Help? Where is the shut down button when You need it???? :(

Fuck the pain away...

Meh, päevotsa jumala nullseis. Je. Chillisin J juures, suicetasime, jõime rummi ära, tegime võikusid ja siis ta trippis linna ning ma koju. And here I am, online.. For countless hours, just waiting for something to happen. And what do I do? I just sit and watch pictures which I can relate to : /.

Pildipostitus +1.

What the hell ever ma tänase jooksul ka tundma ei hakanud, these are the pics I can relate to.

PS! Sa võiksid vähem agressiivne olla.. It doesn't suit You and neither does it make You so ultracool. Relax, enjoy life.